twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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