hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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