After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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