i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
