Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
