Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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