oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
