and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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