Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
