you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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