Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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