I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
