my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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