last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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