He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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