Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
