foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
