I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
