hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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