I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
