i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
