Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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