great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
