:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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