K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
