Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
