You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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