Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
