maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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