On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
