1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
