What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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