is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
