It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
