I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard