do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.