I think scott just propositioned me for sex
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!