Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?