I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize