Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.