I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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