If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
