for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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