Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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