i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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