I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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