He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
