i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
