if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
