hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
