And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
