some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
