I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
