oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
