Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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