Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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