I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
