I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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