the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
