Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
