if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
